What I'm Afraid Of...

I've noticed the trend of having guest writers on blogs, on which I am totally unopinionated.  Last week, however, my paper gun-weilding 11 year old handed me a short (very short) essay he had written on "What I'm Afraid of..." for his fourth grade teacher last year.  Don't ask me what nook or cranny of his backpack it had been stuffed into, but I'm glad he dug it out.  I found it an interesting and amusing read.  I decided to share it in hopes you find it just as entertaining!  And now..."What I'm Afraid of..."

"What I'm Afraid of..."

by Hunter

     I'm afraid of girls.  Why, you ask?  Because they have long hair, fingernails, and terrible tempers!  You can't escape one because they will keep you in their arms.  I can't be near one because they will get me.  Plus, they like boys...wait a minute...I'm a BOY!!!  Ahhhhggg!!!  Am I going to die (now)? (If so,) At least I won't have to suffer at the hands of a girl!  If I were you, I would hide from all those girls!  You better run for your life if you see one.  Of course, I hate running from girls, but I am afraid they will get me.  Those girls have weapons like lip gloss, blow dryers, and other things like that.  But wait!  We have booger blasters, mud-flingers, and underwear cannons!  We have supplies of water balloons and Nerf blasters with strong fire power.  Will it ever be strong enough?  They don't stand a chance because they will run when they see that we play hard!  We will sin this war!

     Of course, when I grow up, I may have a different idea about girls, but I am always going to keep my booger blasters close!

Not too shabby for creativity and humor for a 4th grader...of course, I may be a little partial (maybe).  When asked what the motivation was for writing this, he explained that the girls at school chase some of the boys all over the playground - sometimes he can't even play with his buddies!  He said, not to get him wrong, he liked 'em, but they just wouldn't leave them alone sometimes!  Now, I'm sure that "guy time" is important to a 4th grade dude just trying to "hang out with his buds", but I'm thankful that he isn't rushing the girl thing just yet - the stories I hear!  (There are probably even some 20 & 30 year olds who feel the same way - they can't find a peaceful corner of the playground in which to just hang out with their buds!)  He's growing up, guys, way too quickly!  Oh well, I guess when I get to mourning his lost baby fat and his once hairless underarms and top lip, I'll get out my tear pistol and search for HIS booger blaster!  Hummmm....maybe the underwear cannon explains his room.

Love you, bud!  Keep up the great writing and keep building with that imagination,

Momma

Fun & Boogers at the Dentist!

Well - I went in to the dentist to have my bi-annual cleaning and the girl that always cleans my teeth started explaining why there was a man outside working. Her explanation went something like this....

"Sorry for all the noise, and if/when a man comes in and out, it's just the plumber we have here working on a problem we've had. Our pipes are stopped up. The plumber just explained to me that we have a big problem and he doesn't think he will be able to "flush it out". He told me there were "feminine products" blocking the pipes. Can you believe it! And of course, I am the one who had to go tell my boss (the dentist). My goodness, if either one of them is married or has been around women, they should know we have that to deal with anyway." (All the while she is picking and scraping and checking my teeth & I am making guttural utterances as best I can in between having spit sucked out of my mouth!) She continues, "...and my goodness there's like 5, 7, 10 girls here sometime! I mean they should understand, right?" Guh Huh...sliieewwwwpppp (my attempt at an answer & spit). "...he asked if I wanted to go see them - well naw! You know, they'll probably start making us throw those in the trash now...can you imagine the smell?!" (Then she and I go into a discussion about feminine products, etc. and their "proper" disposal. THEN....)

Subject change!

She had dropped the suction thingy once onto the floor and had changed it. Hygeine! We continue to talk and she splatters some of the polish in my face with a piece landing in the very edge of my nose - easily gotten out, but I was waiting until she finished the current section of teeth. Well, she reaches down with her glove and flicks it away. Thankful as I was, I started giggling and she started into her explanation of why she flicked something out of my nose. We both started laughing. She said she wouldn't normally do that, but that it was just right there on the edge, not actually IN my nose - no big deal. I said, "Well, that's a good friend right there." Then SHE started giggling. Then she dropped the suctioner AGAIN and said, "Hold on, let me replace that!" Which wouldn't have been such a big deal had she not just shot a gallon of water into my mouth preparing me for a big rinse! She said, "Oh No! I'm out! I'm out of suction tubes! Let me go get another one. Be right back!" All the while I'm trying not to laugh and spit water to the wall! Not to mention trying not to look like I'm hiding a canary in my mouth when the dentist & other people walk by and peer in!! She runs back and replaces it and, well, she tore one of the ends out of her glove. Hygeine, remember? Oh well..."just keep going - I'm not scared if you aren't," I told her.

What does that have to do w/a booger you might ask....

She then proceeded to tell me that she had one patient who told her that he used to use a dentist that didn't use masks while doing dental work. She said that was just not hygienic! He said he agreed, telling her about a time that he had to have some lengthy work done and all the while this dentist dude is sitting above him leaning over with the most atrocious booger just hanging by a hair from his nose. He told her that every time the dentist would breath in and out, the booger would move! He was TERRIFIED the whole time that the booger would, at any moment, leap from the dentist's nose and land in his gaping mouth!! EEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!! Very unhygenic, wouldn't you say?

Needless to say, we both laughed and thanked God for hygiene masks!!! And I rethought where her finger might have been.

Fun times at the dentist!!

Anellen

PS - guess what I saw as I was leaving the dentist's office - a sidewalk full of FEMININE PRODUCTS!!! (Yes, used!)