Wednesday, January 26, 2011

So, Where've You Been (a sad monologue of self-loathing)

Yes, I've been absent from the blogging scene for a while.  Thank you to those of you who continued to let your presence be known (to let me know I have a blogger-friend or two) by leaving an occasional comment or just right out asking, "WHERE ARE YOU?"

Well, let's just say that a much-needed blogging siesta was taken.  Life sometimes throws you off a little, you know - like, when you are walking along nicely on the sidewalk and all of a sudden you accidentally step off the curb and you do the "jelly ankle" thing and pray that no one saw you and you try to recover with looking really cool (if you're a girl, maybe brushing your hair away from your now reddened face and looking like "how in the world!"; if you're a guy, you...well what do ya'll do? Maybe a swagger thing or something.).  Oh well, the great thing about getting thrown a curveball is learning how to catch it and play the game with grace, skill, and sportsmanship (jelly ankle, swagger, and all)! 

I am not ashamed to say that faith has brought me through so many things in life and it is that same faith that is bringing me through now.  Just when we get ready to sink into our big pity chair (not to be confused with "potty chair") surrounded by oversized pillows that we burry our head in and scream, God lifts our face and says, "Wait.  It's ok to do that for a time, but don't sit there and give up!  I didn't create that in you and we are just gonna sit here for a while, scream or cry or just be silent, take a deep breath (eat some chocolate - I really am convinced that He must like it since He led someone to create the heavenly stuff, right?), and prepare to get back up and live.  We have stuff to do, places to go, and people to see."

I want to share something that has spoken to me lately, during one of my more whimpy days.  Seems like words like these come your way when you need them the most.  In fact, the night that I read these, it was truely as if I could breath again. 
God, Master of Union and Disunion, teach me how I may
now walk alone and strong.  Heal my wounds; let the scar tissue
of Thy bounty cover these bruises and hurts
that I may again be a single person adjusted to new days.
Grant me a heart of wisdom, cleanse me of hostility, revenge and rancor,
make me know the laughter which is not giddy, the affection which is not frightened.
Keep far from me thoughts of evil and despair.
May I realize that the past chapter of my life is closed and will not open again.
The anticipated theme of my life has changed, the expected story end will not come.
Shall I moan at the turn of the plot?
Rather, remembering without anger's thrust recalling without repetitive pain of regret,
teach me again to write and read
that I may convert this unexpected epilogue into a new preface and a new poem.
Muddled gloom over, tension days passed,
let bitterness of thought fade harshness of memory attenuate
make me move on in love and kindness.
(Source Unknown)

I simply share those words today because I don't believe that I'm the only one who needs a little encouragement from time to time.  Thank you to those of you who have been such a positive little ray of happiness to me.
Grateful for my Lord, my family, and my friends (which many of you are considered),
Andrea