Monday, May 17, 2010

“You Need Woofle Ball Bats and Moss for What?”

Hopefully (since we've almost worn it to a frazzle), this will be the last in the "Super Secretary" installment!  Ready for just one more adventure (to put up with my long-winded stories one more time)?  Let's go...

In today’s adventure, Annie gets what first appears to be a casual phone call from her boss checking on things at the office. She informs him that all is well and there is nothing to worry about there. Before hanging up, Boss nonchalantly mentions that Annie needs to pick up about 7 woofle ball bats and some moss at the local Walmart. (Annie mind glimpse…don’t ask, don’t ask, don’t ask… “And what do we need these for?”) The compulsive urge proves to be more than our super heroine can withstand. “And what do we need these for, sir?” “The bats are for the angry mob to wave at and possibly beat Jesus with, and the moss is to add to the set so the stones look "mossy" or "old." (Why do I ask?)


Annie waits until she has the purchasing card to fly (drive) to Walmart to secure the items needed to fulfill this mission. Once at the store, Annie makes her way to the toy section (‘cause where else would one find something to beat Jesus with but in a kids toy department) and discovers that this store only has 5 bats! Oh, drats! Foiled! What shall our super heroin do? Making her way to the craft department to obtain the moss, she remembers a second Walmart on the “other side of town”. That’s right, she must risk life and limb to retrieve the other two bats and fulfill her mission! But before she can do this, she must choose the correct moss. More than one type!? How many decisions can a super secretary make in one day (give me a break…) Using her super secretary decision making skills, Annie calls The Prop Master to aid in this very risky move. Retrieving the sage wisdom of this fellow defender of the universe, she reaches down and makes her choice! (Whew! That was close!)  No pesky steel blades of death or poisonous gas to deal with...for now!

Soaring (trying to weave through traffic without beeping the horn or rear-ending anyone) to the second store after procuring her purchase, Annie wonders (hopes she can get this task marked off her to do list) what will be waiting for her in the mysterious "Section of the Toys" this time? Meditating (praying that this store has enough bats), she glides through the isles searching for the illusive woofle ball bat. Hark! In front of her hangs the prize. She makes her way over and there are just enough (plenty of) bats. As with the others, she breathes a prayer, asking forgiveness for every time she picks up a bat that, though it’s only a play, may be used to wave angrily at Jesus or bash him. (Not to mention the agony I had over actually trying to choose the right bat – there were 2 different types – and colors. I deduced that they would be painted or something because the thought of swinging a pink bat at Jesus just didn’t seem plausible, so I should just choose the one that looked more "clubbish".)

Arriving back safely (whew! cause we all know how harrowing that was) at the office, Annie is met by Boss who explains that today’s mission is not yet over. She must now search for and purchase paper bag-like material with which to cover the bats and brown spray paint. Facing traffic yet again, Annie secures the correct supplies and makes her safe return to the office. Finding a tarp, with the assistance of the mild-mannered handyman, she is readying the supplies to cover the bats with the paper and spackle (oh yeah – messy, but fun) when she realizes, “I’m only going to be able to do half a bat at a time – I don’t have anything on which to hang them in order to work on the whole bat at one time!” (This is not the most convenient of thoughts when you’re up to your elbows in spackle, bats, and paper.) When out of nowhere appears Super Maintenance Man! “Would you like for me to rig up a couple of ladders and a string for you, Miss?” “Oh, could you!?”

No, the evil forces of unpreparedness shall not be victorious today! In no time, the woofle ball bats are transformed into angry mob wielding instruments and the moss is stuffed in the craggy walls of styrofoam to make them look "old"! Just another day in the life of our friendly super secretary.

What will tomorrow hold for our mild-mannered heroine? Will she be able to keep her identity and her homeland safe as she returns what appears to be an ordinary, innocent mound of costumes to their owners, or will she be forced to reveal all as the question is posed, “What’s that smell?”  (Actually, I'm not going to write that one in "Super Secretary", super-entertaining manner...I'm just gonna write about it...as myself.)

Monday, May 10, 2010

A Prima Donna Donkey Goes Bad

Let’s see, where did we last leave our sedulous secretary and the sadistic Mr. Bear? I believe we were cleaning poop – yes, sounds about typical at this juncture. After retrieving our prima donna donkey, I was to tie him back up at the trailer and come back in quickly for the next lamb scene. (Remember that I am working all this out as I go this first rehearsal in that no one has told me the SPECIFICS of the songs and areas that the animals will be required to make their entrances and exits. By the end, however, I am glad to say that, with a couple of wonderful little helpers, we were able to get things “down pat” and move quite fluidly from scene to scene. THANK YOU TO MY LITTLE SHEPHERDS & SHEPHERDESSES, THE GENTLEMAN WHO WALKED BEAR BEFORE HIS SCENE WHEN I WAS RUNNING LIKE A CHICKEN, AND MY BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN WHO STUCK BY MY SIDE TO HELP WHEN AND WHERE NEEDED – EVEN WITH THE FAKE BLOOD CLEANUP EACH NIGHT!)


So I return Bear to the trailer where I am faced with the duanting task of tying the sacred “jerk knot”. You know when you think you have something totally memorized and all of a sudden the task is required of you and you go completely blank. Well, this was ALMOST one of those moments. I could remember the first step of the knot, then…I just saw nothing on my mental monitor. OMW – I was standing there with this mammoth thinking, “I need to be in there with a lamb in about 5 minutes – I actually didn’t know exactly HOW much time I had, but I whipped out my program and it wasn’t enough to stand there like a dufus trying to tie behemoth here to the trailer. So I took a deep breath and did the best I could. The first try left the poor donkey (yeah, I kinda felt sorry for him for the moment) unable to reach down to eat his hay – I was afraid he would choke to death. I untie and try again. Second tie, a little better, but now I’m just totally insecure, so I untie again. Third time, again. OK, buddy, this is it – I’ve got a lamb to get to the priest so he can raise it above his head and pray it doesn’t squirm it’s way out of his hands or poop or pee on him while he’s holding it, last try! “I go around the back, I go around again, and then I … IT WORKED!” Alright, dude, eat some grass and DON’T GO ANYWHERE!

This night finally came to an end and the next two nights of rehearsals went off OK aside from the doggie diaper failure and a couple of lamb pellet cleanups. We had, had this grand idea that if dogs could wear diapers, why couldn’t lambs – run to the local pet store, pick up some diapers – medium size for a lambs backsides, and dress the lambs with the cute little diapers. Great idea, right? Um…no. It seemed that no matter how tight we put these contraptions on the lambs, the poop just rolled right out. Now tell me…no, never mind. I don’t really even want to think about it.

First night of performances, I have my time and mapping laid out to a close perfection and all animals and people are in place. My job lies as follows:

1) Ready lambs, but keep them quiet just off stage for their first scene which is at the end of first song (have you ever tried to keep a bunch of scared baby lambs quiet – give it a go, go on, try it).

2) Hand lambs off, when 1st song begins, to shepherds (a bunch of fussy teenage boys who were more afraid of lamb poop than wearing gowns on stage!)

3) Run behind curtain DURING this 1st song and wait for cue to pull curtain back for character entrance and then wait for end of song to close it back.

4) Retrive lambs and hand two of the four lambs off to individuals who will make sure they get back to their pen safely, then transport the remaining two around the lobby (as quietly as possible – again, scared baby animals inside building with loud music and people scurrying everywhere) to the other side of the stage for their next scene.  Have children wait there with lambs to give to the appropriate people, then wait for the lambs to return & run put them up once again.

5) Scramble to the front of the church where Bear is waiting to be walked around and we are to watch for that “cue”. I am also to brush any knots or rough spots out of his coat so that he will look nice for his appearance.

6) Move Bear into the building and hand off to Jesus. Move to the other set of doors and watch for Bear to come up the isle so that I can retrieve him and secure him to his trailer.

7) Run back inside, make sure the two lambs were returned safely and quietly to their pen and clean up any accidents.

8) Listen for the song in which the last lamb is to appear, retrieve the lamb, then wait, keeping him quiet, until he is needed. Hand him off to priest and, when that is over, return him to his fellow brothers in holding.

9) Clean up, once more.

This is one of those things that looks much more simple on paper than in reality, but it actually wasn’t all that bad! I had fun and the animals weren’t all that bad. I felt a little like a zookeeper by the end, but it was great!  (Like I might be able to make friends with those bellowing cows across the street yet!)

Now, do you remember from the list above #5? Well, there is a reason that I listed the later part of that chore. Brushing an animal to brighten its coat and to make it look presentable is not a bad thing, right? What the animal does in response to that just might be. I wrestled with whether or not I should divulge this part of the story, but facts are facts and I thought it might shed light on just why I call myself “Lily” (innocent or naive) and just what a comedy my life really can be sometimes. 

So I’m rushing from spot to spot, handing off animals left and right and trying to make sure that my part in this production is done with proficiency and professionalism. First night, things ran rather smoothly with actually little to no poop or goof-ups. All is well! Second night, I am transitioning smoothly and handing off the two lambs for their second scene and preparing to head to Bear’s trailer to walk him and make sure that he is looking presentable when one of the ladies stops me and inquires, “Annie, just what did you do to old Bear before you brought him in for his scene last night?” “I just brushed him and walked him around. Why?” “Oh. Well that would explain it,” she informs me. “Explain what?” “Why we had a really happy donkey last night.” “Huh? What? Why was he particularly happy last night? What would brushing him…? OMW!!! No way!” “Yes, girl. My boyfriend was here last night and he knows enough about horses to know that Bear was a happy donkey, or at least a little relaxed last night when he sauntered down the isle.”

My face must have looked like someone watching a baby deer getting eaten by a crocodile!  I had no idea – I was simply doing what I had been told! Who knew? How embarrassing – I was headlong into an “Ewwwww!!! dance” when I finally replied, “No more brushing for that old donkey! Knots or not, I’m not doing that again! He’ll just have to look nappy!” And that was the last time I will ever brush an animal, folks. Lesson learned, face red, reputation…tarnished.

I would like to say that was the end of me and the Bear adventures, but it wasn’t. This donkey was good for at least one more story. Tomorrow? How about, “OMW! You guys sprayed the weeds!? With poison?!”

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Locked and Loaded: Paper Gun Style

For months now, I have watched as my son has discovered a talent for making paper guns. I watched as he saw a boy on the internet show how he rolled paper into barrels, folded it into stocks, and taped them together to create what looked like a rifle or pistol. Hunter has always had that little boy instinct of picking up a stick and using it to play soldier or cop or, in most cases at our house, storm trooper. At first, this little “talent” disturbed me, “Oh my word, he’s becoming obsessed! He’s headed for a life of violence and destruction!” After being reassured by more than a few individuals that I was most likely NOT raising the next Hitler and that he was a well adjusted, normal little boy, I began to appreciate his flair for the creation of paper weaponry.


Honestly, dudes and dudettes, he’s becoming pretty stinkin’ good at this. His first gun was an MP5. Of course, I wouldn’t know an MP5 from a C3PO, but he is learning. Originally, I simply thought he was just making up letters and numbers to sound impressive. Apparently, this has been a long-time habit of men (little boys) everywhere because I’m discovering that these letters and numbers really do mean something to their makers and most of their users. This first gun was made from cardstock and tape he found in my office. The only other supplies necessary are scissors. He watched and followed the instructions on the tutorial and that was that. He went home and there began the total domination of the paper gunsmithing kingdom. My house is now literally overrun with paper MP5’s, pistols, sniper rifles, AK47’s, STG44’s, MP40’s, BAR Browning rifles, Thompson submachine guns, and a few of his own creations (hope I got all those names right!).

Not only are we fully supplied by paper a gun arsenal (and I can hear the gun control comments rushing through the air as I write this), but we have the occasional battle ax, knives, swords, grenade launcher, bazookas (sorry that one may be a gun), scopes, clips/magazines, and tripods/stands. We are ready if any paper legions head our way – watch out Oh Great Paper Faux (ha – foe)!

I have even received my own tutorial session on making a paper gun (couldn’t tell you what I made – remember, the # & letters thing is lost on me), and I can tell you that he’s a pretty good instructor. He carried me through each step of rolling, folding, taping, cutting, and attaching. He was very patient and knowledgeable about his craft. I will say that occasionally, it gets a little old stepping over all the “gunnery” in the living room (and all other living places and/or vehicles), but my little man has found something he is excellent at, and who wouldn’t admit to owning that kind of confidence!

I thought I’d share a few of his creations here. The good thing about them – we are recycling! We have lots of paper that just gets thrown away at my office, so I am trying to collect it to see how much we have at the end of the year (Ah! Moment – new blog entry!) and Hunter has found a way to use it. Aside from the cost of tape, this little hobby isn’t costing me very much at all. He even buys his own tape if he has money from allowance, etc. Yep – “green guns” and peaceful ones at that. We could be members of “The New Earth Army” (see Men Who Stare at Goats!). Pretty cool! Pretty cool kid!

                                                    









                                                      

“There’s a Donkey?”

“Is Sam here yet?” quizzes Annie’s boss. “I’m not sure. Why am I looking for Sam?” Annie returns. “Because he has Bear. I don’t want to use the lambs tonight, but I do want to use Bear.” “Bear?” “Yes, Bear. Bear the donkey.” “Oh – you want ME to go get the donkey, sir?” “Yes, go get him and have him ready for the next scene.” (Annie mind glimpse, “……………………….”.) We now join Annie, AKA, Super Secretary, as she dashes around the building in a made rush to discover the whereabouts of this mysterious Mr. Sam and his donkey, Bear.


Rushing toward the lobby, someone emerges from the shadows. Could it be the covert …Mr. Sam? “I understand I am supposed to obtain possession of a donkey from you, sir. Is this correct?” “Yes, he is outside. If you will follow me, I will instruct you on how to care for Bear.” Annie proceeds with Mr. Sam to a horse trailer where they are joined by Mrs. Sam (who knows a lot about horses & stuff, thank God). (Ok – I can’t write the rest of this story in super hero fashion just because it’s a donkey, for goodness sakes, and it involves lots of OMG moments for me! Excuse me as I transition into just Plane Jane Annie for a moment…)

OK – out of my costume and ready to just tell it like it happened, folks. You won’t believe…well, I’ll just tell it.

Alright, so I follow this guy who is responsible for transporting the donkey (a borrowed donkey) from his pasture to the building every night for the next week. We have dress rehearsals for the next 3 days followed by 3 nights of performances (that’s 6 straight days of sheep, lambs, and donkey, guys!). “Sam”, his wife, and I are standing behind this horse trailer discussing the craziness of this mission when they open it to reveal a pretty “fluffy” looking donkey (and by “fluffy” I don’t mean cute and furry - just picture with me a donkey that looks more like a small horse than the typical big-eared, short, thin, little donkey that you see in most pastures or pictures – yeah – I’m assuming that you’ve all seen plenty of pictures or have been around lots of donkeys – and you know what assuming gets you, but this guy was more like a mule). I am shown how to untie him, lead him out of the trailer, and how to tie him back up with a “jerk” knot or some kind of "quick release knot". As I am being taught this tying technique (and please understand that Lady Lily here has only been on a horse like two or three times and NEVER has she EVER had to tie ANY kind of knot or “hitch” anything securely aside from her shoes or other articles of clothing (and those get “hitched” pretty darn securely). So here I am in the middle of my impromptu rope tying lesson when this old coot of a critter decides he wants to push me – that’s right! PUSH ME! And he HUFFED doing it! ‘Scuse me? (In my best valley girl accent.)

“Bear! What is your problem?!” Sam’s wife yelled. That’s when I confirmed that it wasn’t just me – she saw it, yeah! She saw it too! Alright you! (I could’ve called him by his true biblical name here, but it would have been more like a swear and I try my best not to do that, so I didn’t and won’t here. You can imagine the Annie mind glimpse.) I just pushed him back – that’s right! Now, normally, I would be a little more cautious when altercating with any animal – especially one that outweighs me by such a great ratio (we won’t get into precise comparisons!), but I thought, “I gotta work with you solo all week, bub! And I think I remember someone telling me that you had to show you animals who’s boss. So you better WATCH IT!” Not real sure that this philosophy is an exact bit of sage wisdom – but it was like a Jedi thing – it just popped into my head so I went with it – it worked at the time, so I followed the “inner voice”.

Lesson concluded, we led Bear out of the trailer and onto the sidewalk where I was to hold him until his “scene”. I had been told to walk him around A LOT so that “his bowels will move” and he will be less LIKELY to leave mementos on the carpet as he takes Jesus down the isle, drops Jesus off, then heads back up the next isle to exit. Walk donkey…I can do this, no pressure. As if that wasn’t enough, it dawns on me that I have been left alone with this donkey and, even though I have the full program written down on paper in my pocket, I CAN’T HEAR OUTSIDE WHAT SCENE IS BEING PERFORMED ON THE INSIDE!!! I HAVE NO CUE!! WHERE’S MY CUE? WHEN DOES JESUS NEED THE DONKEY?! NO ONE TOLD ME WHERE THE CRAZY DONKEY WAS TO COME IN FOR HIS SCENE! It’s like being responsible for the most awesome rock band headlining a major event and no one tells you where or when they are to go on – do you know the pressure – you’ve all been there, right?! I guess I am supposed to follow that little “voice” again?

So here I am holding the blessed donkey in the middle of the city in a parking lot that just happens to have a nice landscaping of grass (with a couple of weeds interspersed – this plays a part later), waiting for my mystic “cue” when I realize that I’m being overwhelmingly pulled in the direction of the nice green landscaping. Humm…I wonder what donkeys eat? WELL, IT TURNS OUT THEY MUST LIKE GRASS & WEEDS (I guess Bear decided to follow HIS inner voice – “Hey! Food!”). Crud! (Deep sigh.) Then I remember the voice – “Oh no you’re not! Get OUT of this grass. COME! ON!” (Yeah, you can go ahead and envision, but even I can’t imagine what I must have looked like standing there pulling this 300 + pound animal!)

“You. Will. Come. On.” Finally, I look helplessly toward the door and see a face peering out like, “Are you coming?” Apparently, this was my cue. Genius. So I head toward the door. Notice I said, I I I I head toward the door. I guess the divo of a donkey (or whatever you call the male equivalent of a diva) decided he was ready for his close up, Mr. Deville, so he followed me. We managed to get him through the door and into the lobby…where he decided to leave us a little calling card. Yep…it happened. I’ve had better relationships with animals, people. After a couple of on-lookers freaked out and a quick inquisition was held to find a broom, etc., I was finally handed a broom, a dust pan, a spray bottle of carpet cleaner, a carpet brush, and a towel. Yes, it took all of those – for not only had my new friend “left a little” in the lobby, he decided (I’m convinced this was a cold and calculated move on his part) to step in it and spread the love onto the carpet (thankfully – a divine intervention, I’m also convinced – held him to only two “hooves” worth). Thanks, Bear – just had to, huh? That grass may have been a plotted move on your part, but it will take more than a little shove and some poop to beat this super secretary down. Poop will not be your kryptonite today, sir. LOAD UP!!! And NO VANILLA WAFFERS FOR YOU!!! (Not sure if that’s the universal bribe for donkeys, but this big guy melts like butter for them. Too bad - he didn’t deserve any that night! Harsh, you may say. No, remember the inner voice – it is leading me at this point and it says, “No vanillie waffies for you, Jack.")

The story doesn’t end there – but my blog entry does. Join me tomorrow for our conclusion when you hear me ask, “I was just brushing him, why?”

Saturday, May 1, 2010

“’Scuse Me, I’m Not Sure I ‘Herd’ You Correctly”


Once again, we find Annie, the humble secretary, busily typing at her desk. It’s been a quiet day on West Avenue today and almost time to punch the clock to end another workday, when “Woosh!” In rushes the boss with another one of those “we need your help” looks on his face. Following behind him is a young apprentice (ok – sorry, different story there). Following behind him is a seemingly innocent bystander. “What ‘cha doin’?,” Annie’s boss quizzically posses from the edge of his seat. “Just getting ready to head home for the day, sir, why?”


“Would you be willing to go pick up the sheep for the program we have coming up? I really want to have them here for rehearsal tonight!” Annie recalls a recent conversation which included asking for volunteers for animal care during the upcoming program, but assumed it had all been a hoax. Even now, she was unsure of the validity of the task that might lie ahead. Deciding to risk embarrassment, Annie volunteers for the mission. She listens intently as the instructions are given and lists them dutifully. “Here’s what you’ll have to do:

1) Call “Jennifer” for instructions on how to get to the farm;
2) Go to the farm;
3) Tell the gentleman you need two sheep and three lambs, no make that four lambs;
4) You’ll need to get enough feed and hay for the animals, so ask the man;
5) Bring them back safely and we will discuss what to do with them then (this part listed
For effect only – he never told me, ‘scuse me, Annie what to do with them after we brought them back to the office.”

“Joey”, here, will accompany you on this trip to help with securing and transporting the animals. As Annie listenes to her boss, she simultaneously ponders how all of this will happen using only her little car. Before she can even finish the thought, a set of keys are jingled in front of her face snapping her to. Realizing that it was now 4:10 PM and her children were due to arrive at the office around 4:30 PM, Annie makes a quick call for help. That task secured, she grabs her purse (a purse welding sheep herder – oh man), a camera (because she knew that this would somehow most definitely be worthy of capturing on film), and heads to the “Sheep Wranglin’ Mobile” with her new sidekick, Joey. Heading down the road, Annie makes the phone call to Jennifer and begins to write down directions, being that she is now being delayed by a train (blasted trains!). As soon as traffic begins to flow again, sidekick Joey takes over recording the directions and explaining them to Annie.

Arriving at their destination, the duo observe that the farm seemed abandoned…not a soul in sight. Was this a trap? Annie notices the object of their quest dotted around in the pasture next to them, accompanied by a furry, barking watchman. She approaches the house and knocks. A large, brow-furrowed man answers the door. Annie explains their mission, and the man shows Annie and Joey to the gate explaining that Annie will have to pull the truck through the gate (not realizing that this is something that paralyzes Annie-she was driving someone else’s truck and most definitely DOES NOT want to be responsible for scraping, wrecking, or driving it into any object – which was a great possibility for her). Safely on the other side of the gate and now closed in with the “cute little” sheep and lambs, the very brave (chicken) Annie exits the truck and is greeted by a VERY LARGE (a freakishly large) dog. He is beautiful, gentle (thank God), polar bear-white and very friendly, but very, VERY LARGE (maybe he IS a polar bear – one can never be certain on these adventures). He also serves as some sort of guard, but is more interested in having his ears rubbed than checking to make sure there’s no foul play at hand.

Sheep Man (SM) explains to the dynamic duo that we will ALL be catching the sheep with Annie concentrating on the lambs (thought we were just coming to pick them up, dude). “‘Scuse me? Any ideas or tips on how to do this properly or easily?” “Nope,” SM replies, “just catch ‘em.” “……….hummm.” (A glimpse into Annie’s mind.)

Joey and SM start out in a smaller enclosure herding the large sheep into a corner and leashing them by collars that they wore around their necks (like dogs). Annie heads off to “wrangle” her first (and only, in the end) lamb. (Oh yeah – you most definitely may begin your laughter here – but just know that being there in person would’ve given one a whole ‘nother dimension at which to chuckle.) The gentlemen finally wrestle up a sheep and get it to the truck (where they had already loaded a large wooden framed carrier). (Watching the “load up” was an eventful episode within itself, however, to rush this along - front legs first, hind legs shoved in second!) All the while, Annie is calmly (heart pounding like a snare drum) trying to chase down that first little lamb. She moves it (scares it half to death) along by the side of the fence and closes in upon the poor little creature until she finally has it within reach. Grasping the poor thing with her hands like a mother cat grabs her kittens by the nap of the neck with her mouth, she does it!! Once in hand, she is able to cradle it and actually pet it like a puppy! (They’re soooo sweeeeet!) Ok, back to the story!

One down, three more to go. All the while, she notices that her sidekick and Old McDonald over there have actually loaded three sheep instead of two! She asked boldly why this move had been made. “Aaah – might as well take three.” (Annie mind glimpse...“Oooookaaay.”)

Annie and the others set out to capture the last three lambs when our heroine notices that two of the lambs have followed a large herd out into the side pasture. (This ain’t good, guys.) Is this some kind of conspiracy? Maybe a trap to lure her to her demise? She couldn’t let that stop her from her “wranglin’”! So “Whoosh”, she flies (more like strolls)! She fights bush and bramble, thorn and thicket, rushing water and barbed wire fence (some of that has a stench of reality!) to get to the herd. Once there, she finds it quite easy to corner them. Had she gotten the hang of this after only one capture? She actually gets one of the lambs into position to capture, when suddenly they take off! She lunges at the lamb, then feeling his wool in her grasp, she stumbles! “Blasted!!” The lamb darts away (with a grin on his face) and Annie is left to try to recover her balance (...she actually takes quite a while trying to recover it when she finally just performs a half face plant! That’s right – the old girl just falls flat out on her knees and down to her elbows! Should’ve been there – quite a sight.) Whack! Pow! (This would be a great place for those comic sound affects – but they would’ve all been the sound of my joints popping and knees hitting the rocks and dirt!) The heroine quickly recovers (more or less jumps up and looks around to see if anyone actually saw her fat behind fall!) - she would not be taken down by the evil, humiliating, and very innocent looking “Lambinator” today! No! Quickly, she regains her senses (brushes off her sore knees- whole body, actually) and herds the sheep (along with the help of Joey and SM, who have now joined the fight (embarrassing mission)) to wrangle the sheep back over to the large pen.

Finally, all sheep have been collected and the tired, dirty, and “whupped” sheep herders are ready to head back to the office when, one of the sheep left behind keeps “baahhing” desperately and standing at the gate. SM decides, once again, to add another sheep!! (WHAT!?) That one loaded, SM quickly gives the dashing duo instructions on how much to feed and water their new pets-for-a-week. So they bid their new friend (the dog) adieu and jump into the “Sheep Herding Mobile” heading back to the office. Once again, Annie has “saved the day” with the aide of her trusty “loan for the day” sidekick and kept her super secret identify safe. (There’s just something about “loaded sheep” and “headed back to the office” that just doesn’t sound right.)
Tune in tomorrow when we hear Annie’s boss say, “No, I’ve changed my mind. Let’s not use those sheep tonight, but I do want Bear, the donkey.” (Glimpse into the mind of Annie…”There’s a donkey?”)