“You Need Woofle Ball Bats and Moss for What?”

Hopefully (since we've almost worn it to a frazzle), this will be the last in the "Super Secretary" installment!  Ready for just one more adventure (to put up with my long-winded stories one more time)?  Let's go...

In today’s adventure, Annie gets what first appears to be a casual phone call from her boss checking on things at the office. She informs him that all is well and there is nothing to worry about there. Before hanging up, Boss nonchalantly mentions that Annie needs to pick up about 7 woofle ball bats and some moss at the local Walmart. (Annie mind glimpse…don’t ask, don’t ask, don’t ask… “And what do we need these for?”) The compulsive urge proves to be more than our super heroine can withstand. “And what do we need these for, sir?” “The bats are for the angry mob to wave at and possibly beat Jesus with, and the moss is to add to the set so the stones look "mossy" or "old." (Why do I ask?)


Annie waits until she has the purchasing card to fly (drive) to Walmart to secure the items needed to fulfill this mission. Once at the store, Annie makes her way to the toy section (‘cause where else would one find something to beat Jesus with but in a kids toy department) and discovers that this store only has 5 bats! Oh, drats! Foiled! What shall our super heroin do? Making her way to the craft department to obtain the moss, she remembers a second Walmart on the “other side of town”. That’s right, she must risk life and limb to retrieve the other two bats and fulfill her mission! But before she can do this, she must choose the correct moss. More than one type!? How many decisions can a super secretary make in one day (give me a break…) Using her super secretary decision making skills, Annie calls The Prop Master to aid in this very risky move. Retrieving the sage wisdom of this fellow defender of the universe, she reaches down and makes her choice! (Whew! That was close!)  No pesky steel blades of death or poisonous gas to deal with...for now!

Soaring (trying to weave through traffic without beeping the horn or rear-ending anyone) to the second store after procuring her purchase, Annie wonders (hopes she can get this task marked off her to do list) what will be waiting for her in the mysterious "Section of the Toys" this time? Meditating (praying that this store has enough bats), she glides through the isles searching for the illusive woofle ball bat. Hark! In front of her hangs the prize. She makes her way over and there are just enough (plenty of) bats. As with the others, she breathes a prayer, asking forgiveness for every time she picks up a bat that, though it’s only a play, may be used to wave angrily at Jesus or bash him. (Not to mention the agony I had over actually trying to choose the right bat – there were 2 different types – and colors. I deduced that they would be painted or something because the thought of swinging a pink bat at Jesus just didn’t seem plausible, so I should just choose the one that looked more "clubbish".)

Arriving back safely (whew! cause we all know how harrowing that was) at the office, Annie is met by Boss who explains that today’s mission is not yet over. She must now search for and purchase paper bag-like material with which to cover the bats and brown spray paint. Facing traffic yet again, Annie secures the correct supplies and makes her safe return to the office. Finding a tarp, with the assistance of the mild-mannered handyman, she is readying the supplies to cover the bats with the paper and spackle (oh yeah – messy, but fun) when she realizes, “I’m only going to be able to do half a bat at a time – I don’t have anything on which to hang them in order to work on the whole bat at one time!” (This is not the most convenient of thoughts when you’re up to your elbows in spackle, bats, and paper.) When out of nowhere appears Super Maintenance Man! “Would you like for me to rig up a couple of ladders and a string for you, Miss?” “Oh, could you!?”

No, the evil forces of unpreparedness shall not be victorious today! In no time, the woofle ball bats are transformed into angry mob wielding instruments and the moss is stuffed in the craggy walls of styrofoam to make them look "old"! Just another day in the life of our friendly super secretary.

What will tomorrow hold for our mild-mannered heroine? Will she be able to keep her identity and her homeland safe as she returns what appears to be an ordinary, innocent mound of costumes to their owners, or will she be forced to reveal all as the question is posed, “What’s that smell?”  (Actually, I'm not going to write that one in "Super Secretary", super-entertaining manner...I'm just gonna write about it...as myself.)