If you work with children on a daily basis, if you have ever or are currently raising children, or if you can even faintly remember being a child, then you can identify with a predicament in which I found myself a couple of years ago.
There are those little words in life - substitutes, if you will, that we use for "unmentionable" things. They are those funny little "hush" words like "poopoo", "teetee", or "potty". They are considered publically more appropriate than use of the actual word they replace. This is why we don't see 3yr olds running around whining, "I have to have a bowel movement, Mom!" Just doesn't even sound right, come on!
I am sure we can all remember sniggering at the words "goober", "doodie", "boobie", etc. I remember the shock and awe of hearing, for the first time, the word "pitywee". WHAT! And oh the giggling that did persue!
My predicament came when I found myself talking to my son during his bathtime when he was around 3 or 4 yrs old. I noticed him looking intently at his chest. He finally curiously posed the question, "Mommy, what do you call these?" Not sure exactly what "these" he was addressing, I answered generally, "That's your chest."
"No Mommy. These." For some reason, he wasn't satisfied with such a general answer. "That's your chest, son." Getting exasperated with my lack of understanding and non-chalant answer, he pointed straight to his nipples and stated very loudly, "NOT THAT! THESE!" I have always tried to shoot straight with my kids, but with some sort of common sense restraint mixed in there. Realizing I couldn't squirm out of this awkward hold in time unless I totally made up something (which I've never been quick enough on the draw to do), I sighed. "They're nipples, but you might not need to say that out loud in public." My warning was void because he didn't even like that word. "That's weird. Do I have to call them that?" Relieved, I elated back, "NO - Sure you don't! You can call them anything you want. A lot of people make up names for their private parts. That's fine!"
Without hesitation, he announced, "I'm gonna call mine Trooches!" What can you say...
But no - the story doesn't end there, my friend. You know how we love to provide our children the opportunity to have a pet in life (or in my opinion, it's generally a good idea)? Well, weeks later, while cruising the isles of a local pet store, my son and daughter spied an ever popular Beta fish. How easy, right? Take it home, give it some food now and then, clean the bowl (on occasion). Got it. So we purchased the little guy and took him home. Once home and settling in with our litte Beta, the inevitable "name game" pursued. After throwing out a couple of cute fishy names, I was once again shocked and awed when my son settled the whole delima by very calmly claiming, "I am calling him Trooch." And that was that - my daughter let out a deep "Trooooooch" and the name stuck.
I can say that, to this day, it is very hard to look at a Beta and not think, "Hey, look at that little nipple swimming around in the bowl."
So, be nice to your Trooch today! Give a Trooch a home! Don't forget to feed your Trooch, etc. etc. And here's hoping that in some language, somewhere in this world, the word "Trooch" is not a negative, offensive thing.
(In the years to follow, from the same place that I am sure the word "Trooch" was plucked, my daughter decided to name a certain anatomical feature "Ladybug". And, thanks to her, I again have a whole new view of a seemingly innocent little creature.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Let's "Makeup"
Makeup...it's a necessary evil for some of us. While some natural beauties can meander their way through the world with the option of to wear or not to wear, men constantly flocking to their side to admire, the rest of us all but drown in the cosmetic river, trying every flotation device that's on the market to keep us afloat. No, I'm not bitter - I admire natural beauty also, it would just be nice to have the option!
I remember being in 6th grade and my mom letting me put on PINK EYE SHADOW! OMG-as "they" say. (And for those smart-elics out there - no - none of us really know who "they" are! It's that little elusive group we all keep following after we throw Mr. & Mrs. Jones under the bus.)
But, yes! Finally...I could wear makeup! Whether wearing a shade of opaque, sparkly stuff on your eyes that no one even realizes you have on actually qualifies you as an officiado of facepaint, I'm not sure. But you couldn't have told me I wasn't official.
Then came high school and college - WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN CAUGHT DEAD WITHOUT IT. Quit breathing sighs of relief, some of you! Lord knows I imagined the severe chiding I would have gotten, the outcast I would have become, and all the gossip that would have bred had I not worn my mascara. Good grief.
Then marriage - whole 'nother monster there. First impressions have to be kept, right? (For how long - it varies, I guess. Couple to couple. Individual to individual.) Well, for me - it wasn't until I moved to a large city and had just had my second child. I really can't tell you what motivated me to step foot into the fanciest Wal-Mart in all of Mississippi at that moment with two small children and not a shred of makeup on my face, but I brazenly walked where not many a Southern lady had before (not counting those seen on People of Walmart - love it!). Or so I conjured in my mind. I felt like I was walking into church in a nightie with no undies on! OMG, folks, OMG (in my own vocabulary, OMW - Oh My Word)! But, yes, I did it, and that day was seered into my mind forevermore. I know - don't say it. No one noticed and no one cared! WHAT FREEDOM!!
Consequently, from that day forward, one might actually spy me without the subtle shades of man-made goop adorning my mug. Recently, my son (who, bless his heart, is still young and halariously honest) caught me in just such a state. Keep in mind that I had even been at work all day without the stuff. "Momma. Do you have on any makeup?" "Well, no, son. Why?" (Be careful when asking that loaded question to anyone under 30 or over 80!) "I didn't think so." "Well - is that a bad thing!?" "You just look the same."
For a few seconds - horror played the keys of my backbone and hit every nerve from hair tip to toe nail! But I recovered when, in a few seconds, he quickly replied, "What? You look good either way. I just asked!" (Bless him! And may he continue to grow to be a very wise man! He's learning!)
Oh, the sigh of relief that blew out was like the Northern wind. Kids are pretty honest, right...right?
I remember being in 6th grade and my mom letting me put on PINK EYE SHADOW! OMG-as "they" say. (And for those smart-elics out there - no - none of us really know who "they" are! It's that little elusive group we all keep following after we throw Mr. & Mrs. Jones under the bus.)
But, yes! Finally...I could wear makeup! Whether wearing a shade of opaque, sparkly stuff on your eyes that no one even realizes you have on actually qualifies you as an officiado of facepaint, I'm not sure. But you couldn't have told me I wasn't official.
Then came high school and college - WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN CAUGHT DEAD WITHOUT IT. Quit breathing sighs of relief, some of you! Lord knows I imagined the severe chiding I would have gotten, the outcast I would have become, and all the gossip that would have bred had I not worn my mascara. Good grief.
Then marriage - whole 'nother monster there. First impressions have to be kept, right? (For how long - it varies, I guess. Couple to couple. Individual to individual.) Well, for me - it wasn't until I moved to a large city and had just had my second child. I really can't tell you what motivated me to step foot into the fanciest Wal-Mart in all of Mississippi at that moment with two small children and not a shred of makeup on my face, but I brazenly walked where not many a Southern lady had before (not counting those seen on People of Walmart - love it!). Or so I conjured in my mind. I felt like I was walking into church in a nightie with no undies on! OMG, folks, OMG (in my own vocabulary, OMW - Oh My Word)! But, yes, I did it, and that day was seered into my mind forevermore. I know - don't say it. No one noticed and no one cared! WHAT FREEDOM!!
Consequently, from that day forward, one might actually spy me without the subtle shades of man-made goop adorning my mug. Recently, my son (who, bless his heart, is still young and halariously honest) caught me in just such a state. Keep in mind that I had even been at work all day without the stuff. "Momma. Do you have on any makeup?" "Well, no, son. Why?" (Be careful when asking that loaded question to anyone under 30 or over 80!) "I didn't think so." "Well - is that a bad thing!?" "You just look the same."
For a few seconds - horror played the keys of my backbone and hit every nerve from hair tip to toe nail! But I recovered when, in a few seconds, he quickly replied, "What? You look good either way. I just asked!" (Bless him! And may he continue to grow to be a very wise man! He's learning!)
Oh, the sigh of relief that blew out was like the Northern wind. Kids are pretty honest, right...right?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Street verses road? (Or a little country learnin')
Never really gave this much thought until I moved to what is, for this part of the country, considered "the country". OK folks (yeah - I said folks), I grew up in a small town in Mississippi. The whole state, aside from the Capital and the Coast IS "the country"! No complaints, just stating. Now, when I lived in my small town of a couple thousand people (it has grown), we called it a STREET. You might hear, "I'm going across the street to visit the neighbors", "I live one STREET over from Lucille and Bob," "Be careful going across the STREET," "...go play in the STREET..", etc.
After my move to "the country" about 4 or 5 years ago, I would tell my children to be careful going across the street to their aunt's house, or to play with their cousins (now you know I was in the country). Inevitably, someone would catch me and scold me. Our conversation would go a little like this..."Be careful crossing the street guys." "What!? What did you call that?" "What did I call what?" "You said STREET. That's not a STREET, silly. That's a ROAD!" "Oh, sorry - didn't realize there was such a difference - it has asphalt. I thought a road was made of rock or dirt. Sorry." (And by the way - that was not a smart answer - I honestly thought that was the case.)
So - just a lesson if you decide to visit "the country", please don't confuse your STREETS with ROADS or you may get a gentle scolding as I did. But I will say, some of the nicest people I've ever met have come from...just across the road (or "street" if you live in the city. Don't want to offend my friends there either).
After my move to "the country" about 4 or 5 years ago, I would tell my children to be careful going across the street to their aunt's house, or to play with their cousins (now you know I was in the country). Inevitably, someone would catch me and scold me. Our conversation would go a little like this..."Be careful crossing the street guys." "What!? What did you call that?" "What did I call what?" "You said STREET. That's not a STREET, silly. That's a ROAD!" "Oh, sorry - didn't realize there was such a difference - it has asphalt. I thought a road was made of rock or dirt. Sorry." (And by the way - that was not a smart answer - I honestly thought that was the case.)
So - just a lesson if you decide to visit "the country", please don't confuse your STREETS with ROADS or you may get a gentle scolding as I did. But I will say, some of the nicest people I've ever met have come from...just across the road (or "street" if you live in the city. Don't want to offend my friends there either).
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Fun & Boogers at the Dentist!
Well - I went in to the dentist to have my bi-annual cleaning and the girl that always cleans my teeth started explaining why there was a man outside working. Her explanation went something like this....
"Sorry for all the noise, and if/when a man comes in and out, it's just the plumber we have here working on a problem we've had. Our pipes are stopped up. The plumber just explained to me that we have a big problem and he doesn't think he will be able to "flush it out". He told me there were "feminine products" blocking the pipes. Can you believe it! And of course, I am the one who had to go tell my boss (the dentist). My goodness, if either one of them is married or has been around women, they should know we have that to deal with anyway." (All the while she is picking and scraping and checking my teeth & I am making guttural utterances as best I can in between having spit sucked out of my mouth!) She continues, "...and my goodness there's like 5, 7, 10 girls here sometime! I mean they should understand, right?" Guh Huh...sliieewwwwpppp (my attempt at an answer & spit). "...he asked if I wanted to go see them - well naw! You know, they'll probably start making us throw those in the trash now...can you imagine the smell?!" (Then she and I go into a discussion about feminine products, etc. and their "proper" disposal. THEN....)
Subject change!
She had dropped the suction thingy once onto the floor and had changed it. Hygeine! We continue to talk and she splatters some of the polish in my face with a piece landing in the very edge of my nose - easily gotten out, but I was waiting until she finished the current section of teeth. Well, she reaches down with her glove and flicks it away. Thankful as I was, I started giggling and she started into her explanation of why she flicked something out of my nose. We both started laughing. She said she wouldn't normally do that, but that it was just right there on the edge, not actually IN my nose - no big deal. I said, "Well, that's a good friend right there." Then SHE started giggling. Then she dropped the suctioner AGAIN and said, "Hold on, let me replace that!" Which wouldn't have been such a big deal had she not just shot a gallon of water into my mouth preparing me for a big rinse! She said, "Oh No! I'm out! I'm out of suction tubes! Let me go get another one. Be right back!" All the while I'm trying not to laugh and spit water to the wall! Not to mention trying not to look like I'm hiding a canary in my mouth when the dentist & other people walk by and peer in!! She runs back and replaces it and, well, she tore one of the ends out of her glove. Hygeine, remember? Oh well..."just keep going - I'm not scared if you aren't," I told her.
What does that have to do w/a booger you might ask....
She then proceeded to tell me that she had one patient who told her that he used to use a dentist that didn't use masks while doing dental work. She said that was just not hygienic! He said he agreed, telling her about a time that he had to have some lengthy work done and all the while this dentist dude is sitting above him leaning over with the most atrocious booger just hanging by a hair from his nose. He told her that every time the dentist would breath in and out, the booger would move! He was TERRIFIED the whole time that the booger would, at any moment, leap from the dentist's nose and land in his gaping mouth!! EEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!! Very unhygenic, wouldn't you say?
Needless to say, we both laughed and thanked God for hygiene masks!!! And I rethought where her finger might have been.
Fun times at the dentist!!
Anellen
PS - guess what I saw as I was leaving the dentist's office - a sidewalk full of FEMININE PRODUCTS!!! (Yes, used!)
"Sorry for all the noise, and if/when a man comes in and out, it's just the plumber we have here working on a problem we've had. Our pipes are stopped up. The plumber just explained to me that we have a big problem and he doesn't think he will be able to "flush it out". He told me there were "feminine products" blocking the pipes. Can you believe it! And of course, I am the one who had to go tell my boss (the dentist). My goodness, if either one of them is married or has been around women, they should know we have that to deal with anyway." (All the while she is picking and scraping and checking my teeth & I am making guttural utterances as best I can in between having spit sucked out of my mouth!) She continues, "...and my goodness there's like 5, 7, 10 girls here sometime! I mean they should understand, right?" Guh Huh...sliieewwwwpppp (my attempt at an answer & spit). "...he asked if I wanted to go see them - well naw! You know, they'll probably start making us throw those in the trash now...can you imagine the smell?!" (Then she and I go into a discussion about feminine products, etc. and their "proper" disposal. THEN....)
Subject change!
She had dropped the suction thingy once onto the floor and had changed it. Hygeine! We continue to talk and she splatters some of the polish in my face with a piece landing in the very edge of my nose - easily gotten out, but I was waiting until she finished the current section of teeth. Well, she reaches down with her glove and flicks it away. Thankful as I was, I started giggling and she started into her explanation of why she flicked something out of my nose. We both started laughing. She said she wouldn't normally do that, but that it was just right there on the edge, not actually IN my nose - no big deal. I said, "Well, that's a good friend right there." Then SHE started giggling. Then she dropped the suctioner AGAIN and said, "Hold on, let me replace that!" Which wouldn't have been such a big deal had she not just shot a gallon of water into my mouth preparing me for a big rinse! She said, "Oh No! I'm out! I'm out of suction tubes! Let me go get another one. Be right back!" All the while I'm trying not to laugh and spit water to the wall! Not to mention trying not to look like I'm hiding a canary in my mouth when the dentist & other people walk by and peer in!! She runs back and replaces it and, well, she tore one of the ends out of her glove. Hygeine, remember? Oh well..."just keep going - I'm not scared if you aren't," I told her.
What does that have to do w/a booger you might ask....
She then proceeded to tell me that she had one patient who told her that he used to use a dentist that didn't use masks while doing dental work. She said that was just not hygienic! He said he agreed, telling her about a time that he had to have some lengthy work done and all the while this dentist dude is sitting above him leaning over with the most atrocious booger just hanging by a hair from his nose. He told her that every time the dentist would breath in and out, the booger would move! He was TERRIFIED the whole time that the booger would, at any moment, leap from the dentist's nose and land in his gaping mouth!! EEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!! Very unhygenic, wouldn't you say?
Needless to say, we both laughed and thanked God for hygiene masks!!! And I rethought where her finger might have been.
Fun times at the dentist!!
Anellen
PS - guess what I saw as I was leaving the dentist's office - a sidewalk full of FEMININE PRODUCTS!!! (Yes, used!)
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