So Here's the Poop...

Poop. We all know about it, we all do it, we all think about it…not perpetually, but it’s just part of life. There “ain’t no gettin’ around it” unless you’re treadin’ carefully in a pasture (and that can be hard if you’ve ever tried, walkin’ the pasture, that is). No matter how socially humiliating or gross we can make this subject, it’s just there – stuck on the soles of our everyday life. (No apologies for the pun, but I’ll try to stop.)
My children and I like to frequent book stores in our area. We love to browse around, not only the books, but the trinkets, games, and novelty stuff that’s usually found on these retail ramblings. You know when you’re exploring and you stumble across that one item that you know you have to have! It’s a treasure, a booty of sorts (ok, forgive that one, please). It’s that something that almost seems out-of-place because you don’t see another one around. You know that it must have been left there just for you! Well, this wasn’t exactly one of those moments. However, it was one in which I said to myself…"I am going to buy this, if for no other reason, to prove that I actually saw it!" My friend, here is the evidence…

Please tell me I am not the only one who has found an actual, working POOP ERASER!  And in case you were wondering, they claim it to be "Totally FUNctional".  As you will note, it comes with its own toilet and tiolet paper. And, for those “oh crap” moments, when you need it, it has a handy little plunger. As if finding the poop wasn’t enough, upon opening it, I had to do it!  I smelled it!  Oh my word - it actually smells like chocolate. That’s right! How ironic is it that you can now erase your mistakes with a pile of chocolate- smelling POOP? Now my questions (not sure if I want them answered, but): What was the “concept session” like the day this was ruminated; the inspiration seems evident, but when exactly did this concept “hit” the “artist” (just go with me here – I’m past asking for forgiveness, this is just too easy); the sales pitch, for goodness sake, who gave the OK; marketing...oh, so much could be said; and finally, what would an order for this product sound like over the phone? We could continue, but why?
The first thing I did, of course, was to grab my phone and begin texting all my BF’s and FM’s (that’s family members for those of you not hip enough for the latest totally made up initials because we don’t have time to say or type the whole word any more). They had to know! If only I had the ability to send pics –then I would instantaneously be able to prove my find and share my UM (no, not Alice’s name in Wonderland, but Unbelievable Moment). I can take pics with my phone, I can text, I just can’t text pics! Flitter!
Less than a week later, I stumbled upon a gem of a website. No, I wasn’t researching or googling the word “poop”. This advertisement happened upon a sidebar to an email account I have & caught my eye. You can hypothesize about the 5 to 10 minutes that ensued. With a sparkle of curiosity in my eye and my mouth pursed, I opened and found…

What!? You may visit their websiste at:   http://turdtape.com.  I’ll let it speak for itself, but capitalizing on this one natural function of the body is about over the edge, don’t you agree? Though some of the testimonials - yes, they have them, were kinda funny!  Finding this was about like discovering a beautiful picture made from dryer or belly button lint or the artwork from a man who paints by vomit! Ok – no matter how “glamorous” you try to sell your product – it won’t adorn my wall! But I have heard the “guys talk” of the occasional “big one”, the colossal colon buster. Sorry, but the feeling is mutual on this subject as well – don’t want to see it! What would persuade you in any situation to solicit, “you gotta see this!” ( aside from it maybe coming out gold-plated or diamond encrusted and even then, really)? (Please don’t pay attention to the grammatical and punctuation mistakes in any of my articles – my brain works at differing speeds than the rest of me!)
Two other “Poop-oddities” I have run across lately: On a morning radio show, a lady called in to inform the listeners that she inspects her young children’s poop to see what the babysitter has fed them that day – the segment is called, “Does That Make Me Crazy?” (many of you are familiar with it) and my answer is, ummm, yeah – crazy and GROSS! Then there’s the Raindeer Poop Necklace that is supposedly magical. Don’t want any of that “enchantment” hanging on my neck, sorry Dasher. Yes, glamorized or commercialized, no matter what we do with it…it’s still POOP, and regardless, it ALL STINKS.