Vanity, O Vanity, Where Is Your Scotch Tape? (or Why In the Heck Do I Do These Things?)

DISCLAIMER – I am going to show you pictures of myself that I would never normally reveal (keep in mind that I hate ALL pics of myself, so I would normally never reveal ANY to you). Don’t worry – you aren’t about to see any porn. Trust me – that would be nightmarish! I preface this with a warning because what is about to be revealed to you WILL disappoint you…it may make your stomach churn…it may be – horrific.

We’ve all heard that piece of advice that just seemed stupid - after the fact. Last week, I decided to follow such counsel. During lunch, typing on my computer and shoving down a sandwich, I was joined by a co-worker. “Stop wrinkling your forehead. You really need to quit wrinkling your face. You know it causes wrinkles.” A fact of which I am increasingly becoming aware - only made worse, now, by her observation. Thanks! (Can you lovingly admonish someone?)

If you knew me, really knew me, you would not be surprised at the recall of odd advice that came to my mind at that moment. I pondered...“But how in the world do you go through life without making a single wrinkle in your face: You frown, you wrinkle; you smile, you wrinkle; you worry, you wrinkle; you wonder, you wrinkle; you scream, you wrinkle, you laugh, YOU WRINKLE. Come on!” Then the recall, “Hey, I heard this woman say once that if you put a piece of tape on the places that are beginning to wrinkle, it will make you more aware of when you are doing it and you can train yourself to do it less often.” “Yeah, I’ve heard that too,” retorted my co-worker. With a bit of a giggle, I grabbed the scotch tape – why not!

Now to target the trouble spots – a piece right in the middle of the forehead, a piece on the left side should cover the left set of laugh lines, and a piece on the right to do the same for that side. Alrighty folks, not gonna give the play-by-play, but I will just say that this advice ranks right up there with _____________________(I'm sure you could all fill in the blank).  As if I didn’t look foolish enough just sitting at my desk with transparent globs hanging on my face, I walked out of my office into the foyer where the postman was grabbing the mail. Thank goodness he had just turned to leave! Again – not a thoroughly thought through action.

Time to remove the tape came when after enough time elapsed that the effort was deemed, oh I don’t know, IDIOTIC! I had another co-worker or two join in the fun to watch as I tried to explain the concept behind the experiment and to watch as I removed the translucent trouble that had fused to my face. Or, should I say, they squirmed and “oooohh-ed” as I tore the tape, and I am almost positive three layers of skin, from my WRINKLY epidermis.

     

I did walk away from this little exercise with the wisdom that scotch tape is better used for gift wrapping, not wrinkle correction (Common Sense, Thou art called so for a reason). So for any of you who were sitting around this weekend wondering how to lesson those worry lines, I have this to say – “Vanity, you can go and take your stinking scotch tape with you – just leave my skin, please.”

Me - happy and wrinkly!