Chapter 1: Strange Eating Habits of the Old and the Skarky

Ok, so I eluded earlier in one of my posts that I have been viewed as strange and chided for some of my strange eating habits. I hold strong to the belief that I am not alone in my oddities. So I make this plea:  If you know someone or ARE someone who shares any of the habits I am about to relate, please realize that it is we who are NORMAL and not the rest of the world. STRANGE EATERS UNITE!


Let me preface by saying that I was allergic to an array of substances when I was young. Now, I’m not talking your everyday peanut allergy or lactose intolerance…no I was allergic to things like…well, let’s just list a few…pollen, dust, any kind of fur or animal dander (ok, those are fairly normal), trees, clover, grasses, milk (not the lactose – just MILK), orange juice (oranges), green beans (GREEN BEANS ! – who’s allergic to just one type of bean!?), and the one that gave me the #1 most agonizing grief of all – CHOCOLATE! C’mon. Why, Lord? Chocolate, really!?

I mention the allergies so that we may have some basis on which to hinge some of my habits - the fact that I was unable to eat certain things and was almost forced to be so particular will hopefully prove that I ain’t all that strange or at least have a pretty darn good reason to be, anyway. I’ve struggled with how to list my oddities, maybe do a top 10 thing or what have you, but Letterman has the monopoly on that, so we’ll try listing by title.  The list grew as I was compiling so I will try to make it a little more easy to read by ripping it into chapters.  Hang on, here we go:

“It’s a Texture Thing”: I’ve heard quite a few individuals complain about the textures of foods, so already, I’m ok with this one. Some won’t eat coconut, pineapple, certain veggies, etc. because of the texture. My certain texture issue is with all things mushy. I have no idea how I got through infancy with the aversion of creamy textures. Think about it – everything you eat or drink is basically smooth, creamy, and pureed to a pulpless mush! Gag…spewt…ugaaaag. Sorry – just the thought even…! I would not eat casseroles, mashed potatoes, creamed soups, sandwiches with any condiments, salad dressings, or creamy desserts (aside from ice cream) until I was well into my teens and twenties. I would choke down the occasional chocolate pudding, but that was because it was CHOCOLATE, and what’s the one thing I WASN’T ALLOWED TO EAT? Yeah, I know - what a rebel!

“Chew Your Food!”: Not because it’s socially polite, not because it’s great for digestion, no – I chew AAALLLLL my food because it won’t go down a single finite measurement unless it has been chewed at least 8 or 9 times (or more). Gross, I know…weird, I know…but I even hold drinks in my mouth sometimes – should’ve used that for wine tasting, but don’t think I’d like it, besides, why do all those other tasters spit it out, right?! I have a friend who looked at me like I’d just grown a second head when I asked them if they chewed their mashed potatoes or ice cream. When I say I chew it, I really do. I’ve tried not to…but again…it won’t go down if it’s not chewed.

“Watch it Wiggle, See it Jiggle (no jokes about the thighs, guys)”: No, I do not have a jello phobia. What I DO have is a total disgust for the stuff. I don’t like how it feels or how it squishes through my teeth when I have to CHEW it. Tried just letting this one go down too…we all know the results. When I was a child, two of my nieces would take it and squish it through their teeth and then swish the liquid around in their mouth…OH GHYAAAH, the horror! I’m having a flashback…just hold on a sec! Needless to say, I CAN eat it now, but with much labor and concentration (I literally have to NOT watch or listen to anyone else eating it).

Enough for today.  The last flashback just took it all out of me!  I'll continue the oddness tomorrow...there's lots more where these came from.