Chapter 2: There's More?

“Beans, Beans, They’re Good for Your Heart; the More You Eat ‘Em the More Your Gag Reflex Kicks In”: This was one of the reasons I included the preface of the allergies, having to watch out for those beans. But I always assumed that it was only green beans, because, unfailingly, Mom and Dad would try to get me to eat blackeyed peas, pinto beans, etc. Some may want to blame my aversion on another culprit – a horrific babysitter. I stayed only a couple of times (thank heavens, or, I am convinced I would have shriveled and died from starvation) with this notorious sitter. She always had stuff that I found unappetizing for lunch: once, it was butterbeans – who feeds kids BUTTERBEANS FOR LUNCH!!?? (Can you detect a hint of bitterness? I have since forgiven, but I shall neva’ forget!) This babysitter insisted that we clean our plates before we could go out to play. Needless to say, you guessed it – I sat there, and yeah, I tried, but nope, they didn’t go down. I don’t know if I fell asleep or if I swooned from the trauma – all I remember is that I didn’t get to go out to play, and the beans were still on my plate when Mom came to get me! You may be thinking, "Dadburn (and I know that's the very word you are thinking), she’s stubborn. No, my friend, I just simply couldn’t get them down. I have a feeling that my plate would have been clean but I would’ve had a floor to clean up – neither way would I have gotten to go outside to play, so better to just sit that one out!  Better beans on a plate than in the floor, I say.  Yet again, a consistency thing. I’ve tried many beans, so it’s not for lack of trying! I begin to chew them and they grow. They have this mushy texture that immediately induces a gag reflex. They just won’t go down!  IRONICALLY, guess what bean I can stomach and, in fact, love...GREEN ONES!!!  Only green beans, because they are crunchy and I love the taste.  If the bean is outside the shell though, I will eat around those.  I love the crunchy, stir fried green beans at one of the local Chinese resturants.  Mental, I know!

“The Meat Inspector” (Or, “Inspector Gag-it”, sorry, that was bad.):  I have this compulsive habit of inspecting all meat before it can be put into my mouth. I look at a sandwich or burger; I note the distribution of bread, condiments, meat…I then determine where I will take my first bite. The bite that looks the best (differing with each burger or sandwich) is the one I, thereupon, consume. All subsequent bites follow same protocol. Any gristle, fat or “funny” looking meat will be removed and properly disposed. Steaks, grilled chicken, chicken strips or any other piece of meat will follow a similar inspection. NO gristle or fat is to be consumed if at all possible. Why? Am I watching my fat intake, cutting down on triglycerides? Again, I echo the answer…texture & taste – I just can’t stand the taste or the way it feels in the mouth. You picking up on the pattern here?

“Save the Last Bite for …No one”: This is probably one of my strangest habits. I cannot eat the last bite of something. I don’t have a clue as to why. I look at it and all of a sudden I am full. I cannot ingest it… I must put it down!  "Maaaam, put down the bite and step away."

“That’s So Touching…and It Shouldn’t Be”:  Certain foods absolutely cannot co-exist or merge on a plate – they cannot touch. Now this can get complicated and has many conditional factors. If I am at home or in a familiar, relaxed environment, and I notice that any food is touching, I will separate it. If any “juice” from one food has crept over into/onto another, then an immediate “cleanup” is initiated (a napkin grabbed and juice and food cleaned/dried) until all food is safe, UNLESS, the juice or sauce has found its way onto a bread item or fry. In that case, the bread or fry that has been contaminated will be “pinched off” and cannot be consumed. If I should find myself in a proper setting or with individuals with whom I am unfamiliar, I will not go to such unsightly lengths. I will, instead, simply avoid eating any of the items that have been touching. Don’t be surprised to find little “walls” or remnants of food that have served as barricades by touching one another. They have sacrificed themselves for the good of the whole (that phrase just made me snicker..uh-hum, sorry.) For example, if macaroni and cheese is touching a green bean or two, then the beans that have noodles or cheese touching them (no matter the amount) will not be eaten and vice versa. I was actually sickened once as I watched my brother mix three different cereals and eat them. They were all presweetened and probably all tasted the same, but YOU JUST DON’T MIX THINGS! I had to leave the room…the inhumanity!

Well, I'm getting close to the bottom of the list and will try to wrap things up tomorrow.  More?  Oh yes, there's more.  Hope to see you tomorrow!  And...thank you to all those who have shared your own stories - I knew I wasn't alone!  Thanks for the comforting affirmations!